Sven Swenson: "On a Sven-der"

Hey der!

Thank God hockey is back. A guy can only take so much ice fishing, ya know? Not that it's bad, but it's just not da same when der's ice but no puck.

Not having the NHL on ESPN sucks though because they only show games on OLN on Monday and Tuesday nights. My Monday nights are already allocated since that's foosball night over at Lars' cabin. He has da games on but the matches get pretty heated and no one's paying attention to da tube, especially when Mookie gets all agitated over an alleged TILT call and I end up with his thumb in my eye. You could drink an ocean full of Molson and your eye still stings.

Thankfully, however, I get the Minnesota Wild games on our FOX Sports channel, so I can catch da boys whedder der in St. Paul or Phoenix.

Speaking of, why is der even hockey in Phoenix? My cousin Andrew lives up in Winnipeg, and der starving for the return of the NHL. They just built a new arena and the Moose games sell really well. He gets all misty-eyed when he recalls the Jets fans' "white outs" in the Winnipeg Arena. Phil Housley, Thomas Steen, Keith Tkachuk, Alexei Zhamnov....and da list goes on and on. Pro hockey seldom converts, and da NHL needs to realize that. Hockey NEEDS to be in places like Winnipeg and Quebec City. Heck, even put one in Saskatoon over places like Sunrise, Florida -- please!

So far I like the newer, faster, younger NHL. It's more exciting to watch den da clutch-and-grab stuff. They say defense wins championships and that probably will still hold true since it seems every team has a sniper. Mark it down: My early favorites to go all the way are da Montreal Canadiens and da Vancouver Canucks. Either way, the Cup returns to Canada where it was born.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not anti-American. But having lived in Walker, Minnesota my whole life I've gotten used to da northern way of life, and with that kind of life der is no border. We're all like moose. Der is no Canadian moose and der is no American moose. We're just mooses.

I'd like to chat more, but I got to go throw my work uniform in da dryer. They insist we wear clean uniforms to da casino, even though I end up walking through cigarette smoke for 10 hours a day and come home smelling like a mixture of Marlboro Lights and the interior of some old lady's handbag. Once I'm inside da casino it's basically dark and nobody's gonna tell if I used a Snuggle fabric sheet or not -- so who friggin cares if I happen to have some pizza sauce on my Northern Lights Casino-embroidered vest?

Til next time, eh?
Keep your eyes up and your stick down, boys.
Sven Swenson

Sven Swenson is a regular contributor to My NHL Insider.